


Not Just a Soldier

by watevermelon



Category: Haikyuu!!, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, And the boys worry, Angst, Attack on Titan!AU, Black Jackals, Character Development, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jealousy, Multi, Mutual Pining, Schweiden Adlers - Freeform, attack on titan canon violence, reader gets injured
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24579694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watevermelon/pseuds/watevermelon
Summary: (Attack on Titan x Haikyuu) In an effort to unlock the secrets behind Titans, you got injured during one of Tendou’s Scout Regiment experiments. This was nothing new, but even you were surprised at how much those boys cared about you.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Reader, Hinata Shouyou/Reader, Miya Atsumu/Reader, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Reader
Comments: 13
Kudos: 117





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Contains: Reader x MSBY Black Jackals; Slight Reader x Schwdien Adlers; Takes place before the Fall of Trost;  
> Warnings: Language and Attack on Titan Canon Violence

You were absolutely going to _kill_ Tendou if you ever stepped foot back inside the walls. Then again, he was a squad leader and it was not worth having to go to trial for treason over his dead body.

Also, there was a three-meter class titan on your heels and you were separated from the rest of the squad.

But, y’know, _just another day for the Survey Corps._

You grappled along the outside of the forest, the other two squads further behind as the Titan had turned its attention fully on _you_. It all happened so suddenly - Tendou was trying to plead his case to Commander Ukai, that capturing a live Titan would provide much needed research on their behavior. And even though it would not be easy, the information was almost necessary for the war.

And to your consternation, Commander Ukai was actually deliberating it.

Only a few minutes later, as if it was listening in on your conversation, there appeared a rustle in the trees, but nothing taller than the woods. And so here was a smaller titan, no taller than 5-meters, close to the Scout’s expedition site.

Tendou didn’t even ask for permission, riding out on his horse with little preamble. Commander Ukai shot a quick look toward Squad Leader Ushjima, the stoic man riding out after his longtime best-friend with his team of Hoshiumi and Kageyama trailing behind him. 

Running to your horse, you rushed behind your own squad leader Sakusa with the rest of your team behind you. Atsumu was already complaining while Bokuto and Hinata almost seemed as excited as Tendou. Your team was a _random_ bunch admittedly, but you had some of the best results in the entire regiment.

Tendou was so eager about Titans, this venture feeling like he was chasing after a _pet_ rather than, y’know, a killing monster that has pushed humanity to the brink of extinction. A part of you wanted to remind him that this was a dangerous venture from start to finish, but there was no reasoning with him once his mind was fixated on a new project.

You pushed on the spurs of your horse to catch-up to the group. Killing a titan was no problem here, high trees of the forest giving access to grapple points that a team of advanced Scouts would be able to take care of. 

But you weren’t here to kill, you were here to _capture_.

Tendou circled the perimeter of the woods, the Titan running behind him as if this was nothing more than a game of cat and mouse instead of life and death. Ushijima was standing on his horse, ready to take action to incapacitate when suddenly, the Titan halted all of its momentum and turned to the back of the group.

Sakusa kept riding past it, not wanting to lose momentum against the fast-moving _bastard._ Kageyama and Hoshiumi struggled to sharply turn their horses away from the Titan’s new warpath. 

You watched the Titan’s blank eyes turn to you, dilating at your appearance and brown ponytail above the crowd. It took a single second before the Titan was on an entirely new warpath, galloping in _your direction._

Atsumu spit a word of warning next to you, basically telling you to run like your life depended on it, which honestly was not far from the truth. Bokuto and Hinata separated from their positions alongside you, trying to see if the split would garner the Titan’s attention. You cursed loudly when the Titan was still fixated on you - Hinata’s shouts of rage and Bokuto’s loud insults at the monster did not get it’s attention. Sakusa was speeding up to simply _end_ it here, but Tendou yelled and insisted that the abnormal behavior had to be taken back with them. 

The question of how the _hell_ you were going to do that never really crossed your mind, not until the Titan was speeding in your direction and you had to personally give chase. The Titan’s earlier speed was nothing in comparison before, down on all fours to propel himself to you.

It was constantly muttering something, you could not make out the words from the garble froth out of its mouth. It almost sounded like a name, _Ymir?_ No matter the case, you would not have a chance to think more about it if you were _dead._

Your horse would not be able to outrun this and you shot a grappling hook to the forest on your left, it would work better for you to turn to the higher areas if the Titan was keen on you alone. Kicking off your horse to see if it would follow the animal alone, the Titan’s eyes only widened as it followed you breaking away.

Gas be damned, you increased the output on your 3DMG gear just to get more speed when the Titan launched itself in the air, eager hands grabbing at you tightly. You shouted more in surprise than hurt, expecting pain to shoot through you as it squeezed you in its hold. If not that, you whispered small prayers to whichever God was listening, irritated that you were going to be eaten in front of your friends.

But the Titan continued to hold you like a small doll in its fist as it continued its run.

You heard Atsumu curse loudly and Sakusa bark out more orders, the telltale sound of gear launching in your direction. But the Titan was on a mission, venturing deeper into the forest as if it was _looking for something._

This should have been instant death, crushed under the clutches of a monster, but the Titan just continued to drag you along as the other scouts caught up behind you. The initial surprise of being a Titan’s prisoner forced you into silence, simply looking up at it from its grasp around your middle.

Tendou shouted orders to kill it and Kageyama grappled onto the nape instantly. That was enough to finally grab your attention, yelling out a _Wait!_ The young man was close enough to land the killing blow, blue-eyes meeting yours to confirm your words before he redirected a hook somewhere else.

_“You fucking idiot you will not die on me today!”_ You felt more than heard Sakusa’s harsh yell seep into your bones. He hardly ever raised his voice, at you or anyone else, it had you more scared of him than the Titan.

You glanced at the three-meter titan, it’s blank eyes searching the forest as he ventured further in like a monkey. The scouts had better grappling points among the trees, but the small Titan had just as much mobility from being able to quickly climb and jump around.

“Just observe, you _idiot!”_ You yelled back, sure that the name would earn you a permanent demotion if you ever made it back. Sakusa scowled, not even Atsumu could conjure a smirk at your mocking nickname.

The rest of the scouts were following along closely, contradicting orders between the two squads. The final say would be Ushjima - he had rank over everyone else present. This would not be an easy call, even you were hesitant to say something while his hazel eyes followed you.

You were their friend, their comrade that trained and fought alongside them since your early training corp days. Everyone here knew the dangers of picking the Scout Regiment, but it all came at the sacrifice to save _all of humanity._

The last time on record the regiment tried to capture a Titan, 20 Scouts laid down their lives for the information you had today. Even the tiniest bit of information could save hundreds of lives down the line. Where would you be today if you had never found out the Titan’s weak spot? What else was there that society was not aware of?

This was not the time to be selfish in the face of humanity.

The Titan paid no attention to the others and you made the decision for them - telling the rest to keep further back, just to observe the Titan behavior. Maybe Tendou was waiting for your call before making one of his own, since he backed you immediately and ordered the rest to stand-down. Sakusa outwardly snarled and even Bokuto voiced his unhappiness, but they followed nonetheless. The nail in the coffin was Ushijima doing the same, Hoshiumi and Kageyama slowing down alongside him.

As if understanding what just happened, the Titan dropped it’s hold on the next tree, falling to the forest floor and turning sharply in another direction. The space between you and the boys were widening, had the Titan understood your yells? Was this a trap?

_Were you going to die?_

You watched Atsumu’s worried look turn to a brown blur, too far away to really tell the details of his face as the Titan dodged and weaved with both speed and altitude. While large, it’s sound was largely hidden under the gallop of the riderless horses in the near distance.

_You were alone with a Titan._

The thought didn’t linger for long when the Titan dropped to the ground entirely, gingerly walking up to a tree as it nudged you to your feet. You silently clicked at the pistons of your grappling hooks, the entire mechanism was crushed and, even in your office back at headquarters, there was no fixing it. 

Instead, you patted down to your pack, taking out your notebook and hoping that there was still a pencil there as well. You meekly followed the Titan’s insistent pushes, moving toward the hollow in the tree and sitting in it quietly.

The Titan got to its knees, bowing to you with his arms outstretched in your direction. The tension in your spine felt like a coil, completely winded and any more tension would have anyone else in a panic attack. But you were eagerly writing down everything you saw, from the Titan’s position to the expression on its face. 

That’s when you heard it.

_Ymir._

There was no denying the word, or rather _name,_ coming from its lips. You steadied your breathing, compartmentalizing your panic and trying to write down _everything you could._ _  
  
_

(1) Titan’s could talk.  
(2) A Titan chanted the name _Ymir_

(3) It almost looked like the Titan was worshipping you in the tree’s hollow.

Was this because of your appearance? There was nothing that set you apart from the rest of the group other than the fact that you were female and that you had long, brown hair. You wrote down every question you had, every observation there was in the case that this notebook would be all that anyone ever saw of you again.

Your pencil flew against the notebook, mind in a million places to the point that you hadn’t even realized you were crying. The only indicator was the sudden damp circles on your paper. You didn’t want to push your luck, but your sacrifice would be for nothing if you did not try. 

Mustering up your courage, you whispered back to the Titan. “ _Ymir._ ”

It raised itself from his prone position, quietly observing _you_ in the tree. You dropped your feet to the ground, still leaning against the hollow, but not wanting to be trapped against it if the Titan decided you were no longer fun having around.

“ _Ymir_.” You stated it louder and that must have broken the strange trance you were both in.

It rushed you immediately and you dodged the best you could, tucking to the left and raising your hands as if you were going to _fistfight a titan._ There was almost a hint of a _smile_ on its face as you heaved in air to steady your growing anxiety.

There was nothing in the books or your years of experience to tell you _what the hell to do now._ When it jumped to grab at you again, you kept your head low between your arms, deciding to dodge and bide time for your friends to hopefully find you. 

If not, well that _wasn’t something you wanted to think about._

Your abandoned 3DMG gear was in your peripheral, most of it in shambles but the sharp edges of the blades were still there. The hilt was not usable, but cutting yourself by wielding a blade bare-handed was the least of your worries now.

  
Breaking out into a run, you quickly ejected a blade out of the gas canister and brandished it like a sword. The next finger that came close was cut squarely off, but that seemed to outrage the Titan more. You swerved as best as you could, but it caught hold of your left leg. 

You thought of just cutting it off, but that would only serve to make you an easier target. It held you in its fist like earlier, but with a much tighter grip. You wailed as if the sound would yield its hold on you, surely a bone or two in your calf had snapped under the pressure. Not one to lose your will to live just yet, you took advantage of the close proximity to the Titan’s face and stabbed the blade cleanly through its left eye, lodging the sharp object there and earning a loud _scream_ in response.

The Titan dropped it’s hold on you, but you screamed back at landing on both your feet. There was no sugar-coating it - your left leg was _fucked._ You doubted you could walk all that far and it would take only about a minute for the Titan to regenerate. There were a few more blades left in the canister, but you barely had the strength to lug yourself over there.

The Titan yelled back in your face, but was silenced after a blur of green whizzed by, the telltale whirring noise signified the best news you got all day.

_Help had arrived._

Bokuto had an arm slung around your shoulders immediately, Atsumu flanking you on the other side before they lifted you away and off the forest floor. The initial adrenaline was wearing off and the pain seared you from the inside, any movement of your lower half set your skin ablaze with undeniable agony. It enveloped your entire being and made you curse aloud. Hinata attempted to console you with low words, saying that you were only minutes from the medic tent. 

Thankfully, you were not far from the rest of the other scouts on the expedition. You closed your eyes one moment to shut out the pain and re-opened them only to see the brown-top of the tent. There were low voices outside, Tendou’s familiar drawl one of them amongst the other shadows cast on the tent. How long had you been out? Were you back within the walls? 

Moving to sit-up, the explitivies that followed immediately gained the attention of those outside.

Sakusa's worried eyes were the first ones you saw, before he hardened them and crossed his arms. Bokuto nearly pushed aside the rest of your squad to get to your bedside, putting a hand behind your back to slowly get you to lie down again. Hinata, eager to help also, poured you a glass of water and handed it to you. Atsumu was suspiciously silent, arms crossed over his chest.

“Sit back, you _fucking idiot.”_ Sakusa bit out.

You didn’t fit it, this was not the hill you wanted to die on. Instead, you asked, “How long have I been out?”

Hinata answered, “Three days, we’re within Trost now.”

You hesitated, biting your lip and trying to settle on something to say. “Sorry you had to haul my sorry ass all the way here.”

“All that matters is you’re back!” Bokuto replied back louder than intended, earning a glare from two of his _younger_ squadmates.

You chuckled and unconsciously attempted to sit-up, “Where’s Tendou? Did you guys find my notebook?”

“Un- _fucking-_ believable.” Atsumu started, he was the one to lightly push you down this time. “You had every bone beneath your knee crushed and you’re worried about your notebook.”

“I’m worried about my contribution to humanity.” You bit back, his annoyance contributing to your own agitation. “If you hadn’t noticed, we’re in the middle of a war!”

Atsumu snarled back, “ _Goddamnit_ , there’s no getting through that thick skull of yours is there?”

“I doubt it.” Sakusa agreed, eyes narrowing at you.

“Guys, relax.” Hinata attempted to diffuse, “She’s back with us now.”

“Why the hell are you guys so mad?” You ignored his attempt to calm everyone down.

Atsumu turned to Hinata, “And what if she hadn’t made it back?!”

The seriousness in his expression made you recoil, unsure what to say to this Atsumu who was so desperately _hurt._ You looked to Sakusa and he had a similar, yet more guarded countenance. Both boys were looking at you, their hard glares trying to convey their honest _worry_ for you.

“I.. I’m sorry.” You stuttered out, not sure what to say to your usually closed-off superiors.

“Now, now.” Tendou, entered the tent, waving a hand away to your visitors. That only increased some of the tension, everyone turning to the red-head. It was _his_ idea after all, but _you_ did make the choice to play along as well.

“We need a de-brief as soon as possible, so do you mind?” Tendou continued, turning to your squadmates. Only Sakusa was allowed to stay, Ushijima and Commander Ukai entered your tent a minute later.

You watched their expression as you retold every detail about the encounter. The fist Sakusa had on his lap clenched and unclenched every once in a while, a small tell that you knew he was trying to internalize his anger. Tendou asked questions every once in a while, no doubt curious to hear that a Titan was not just speaking, but had even engaged in some type of worship. Ushijima’s face was unreadable, but enough so that you could tell he was angry at you as well. 

Commander Ukai had just as many questions as Tendou, but dwelled harder on your observation of your appearance. He asked, “While we cannot assume what sets you apart from the rest, would you be willing to participate in another Titan extraction?”

Sakusa answered for you, “No, she won’t be able to.”

Ushijima nodded in agreement while Tendou raised his palms in mock surprise. Commander Ukai made no movement to chastise the two boys, just turning his gaze to observe the room before landing on you.

You felt the blaze of a thousand suns when he did so, Sakusa and Ushijima openly glaring at you and almost _daring you_ to say something contradictory.

“Ah, not anytime soon.” You answered.

“ _Not ever.”_ Sakusa finished for you, making Tendou snort and Ukai withhold the need to roll his eyes. This was not what he was expecting, but there was no point in arguing with your direct superior when, if it truly mattered, he had rank.

Once you were done talking, Commander Ukai was the first to leave, stating that he was expecting formal reports from both you and Tendou within the next few days. You sighed inwardly, but agreed. Ushijima stared at you for a good minute, saying nothing, before exiting the tent behind him.


	2. Sakusa Kiyoomi Route

That left you alone with  _ him. _

_ What was his problem?  _ You complained in your head as your squad leader continued to glare at you, surely an entire ten-page lecture on the tip of his tongue as Sakusa stood in silence.

It was a well-known fact that Sakusa Kiyoomi led one of the best teams in the entire scout regiment. He was rumored to have been within the top ten of his class during his year in training, but decided to join the scout regiment anyway instead of living comfortably within the inner walls of the Military Police. He garnered lots of respect for his quick tactics, a strength that rivaled the large Ushijima, and his overall mental stability.

He was ever the enigma to you. So stern and determined on the battlefield and yet so dramatic in the face of germs. Even before when you were just a cadet, the young man had intimidated you to no end. You feared the days you had to work with his squad, before you were initially assigned to a team.

Apparently Sakusa hadn’t even wanted to be in the leadership position, but his skill against Titans was undeniable. Sakusa’s determination spoke louder than he did - he was thorough with his kills and protected his squad-mates, even if he complained about them all the time.

When he was promoted to Squad Leader, he was given enough liberty to choose his team from scratch. He had strange relationships with the other members of your squad, but you were not one to pry into their pasts. Everyone had their own demons and you remembered more than once Atsumu waking up in the middle of the night, murmuring the name of his brother.

You were surprised when he chose you to be part of his squad. Not as physically adept as Sakusa or Bokuto or even Hinata, you made up for it with your mental prowess. Not that you were a sitting duck  _ either,  _ your all-around skills earning you a spot in the top twelve of your entire class. And, originally, you actually had your eyes set to be on Tendou’s squad.

The researcher had even greeted you at the choosing ceremony, saying that he looked forward to working with you, along with his charges Shirabu and Kawaishi. And so it was to your surprise when  _ Sakusa  _ had personally chosen you.

That was years ago and you had long since accepted your role as the only other brain cell on the team.

To your knowledge, Bokuto and Atsumu were the first chosen to join Sakusa. Hinata was invited a few years later and then lastly,  _ you. _

You were happy to learn the little pieces about Sakusa’s personality and you were grateful that he had chosen you for your abilities. There were other teams spread throughout the Scout Regiment that would have catered to your skills, but after years of thinking about it and wondering what could have been, you felt that your rightful place was on his squad all along.

Sakusa cared little about his own reputation away from the battlefield, that was obvious. But he was surprisingly strict when it came to the team’s reputation. He did not want any disrespect toward his squad. 

This led you to question your earlier injury. Was he angry about what you had done? You did not want to appear as reckless to others in the regiment, putting a bad rep on your squad leader.

You decided to try to be the bigger person, “I’m sorry I was reckless. I promise I won’t do anything that will bring reproach to the team.”

“If you think that’s why I’m mad, you’re an  _ idiot.” _

You scoffed loudly, turning to him with your own glare when Sakusa bent down and slotted his lips against yours.

_ What. _

Sakusa gently cupped your cheek, pecking you lightly before backing off just as quickly. His forehead rested against yours, your wide eyes a contrast to his closed ones. Sakusa let out a long sigh, feeling the warm breath against your skin.

“Do you know how  _ scared  _ I was?” Sakusa asked against your lips, the movement setting your cheeks aflame. “I didn’t even know if you’d make it.”

“I -”

Sakusa interrupted you, “The entire wagon ride back, you were barely breathing. And there was  _ nothing  _ I could do.”

You moved a hand over his, trying to gently caress at the skin as he laid out his feelings to you.

“That red-head idiot tried to keep us in the dark, but the fact that he was worried too made me just as pissed.” Sakusa explained, “I could care less about his project and even less about his excuses.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” The agitation was clear on his face, “For giving up your life for some shit pet-project? For worrying your teammates? For -”

You stated. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it!” Sakusa backed off your body, leaning away to look you in the eyes. “If it was up to me I would have you strapped to a desk job for the rest of your life.”

“My sacrifice -”

“I don’t care.” He was quick to cut you off, upturning your hand to grasp under his own. “You’re more than just another soldier, do you understand? You  _ need  _ to be more careful -- for  _ me. _ ”

You stared back dumbly into his dark eyes, usually so blank and uncaring, now full of life and  _ worried  _ about you. To think that your Squad Leader, whom you squashed your crush on  _ months  _ ago, was pleading with you over your life. A part of you never wanted to see it again, see Sakusa so  _ miserable  _ because of something you had done.

“Promise me.” He whispered, squeezing your hand to grab your attention.

You moved to cup his cheek, leaning up as you gingerly tried to guide him back to you. “I promise.”

Sakusa closed the distance, putting more pressure as he brought his lips to yours. You openly moaned at the sensation of his tongue against the crease of your skin, welcoming his affections like someone starved.

You allowed Sakusa to envelop you whole, gently guiding him in and around you as the war was pushed to the back of your mind. The two of you would make this work, your love shining against the darkness of the cruel world.


	3. Atsumu Miya Route

Sakusa and the rest of your squadmates had visited you throughout your entire first week in the medic tent. Thankfully, you were told that you would be able to recover, luckily nothing was long-term damage, neither punctured nor permanently broken in your Titan encounter. Tendou told you that the weeks of physical therapy wouldn’t be easy, but you’d be back on the field within the year if you really tried.

Sakusa cursed you to your face for even thinking about it while the two sunshines on your team told you not to rush your health.

You were worried most about what Atsumu would say.

He was always quick smiles and smirks - tended to tease and keep things light-hearted in order not to lose his sanity during the war. He flirted and had plenty of women over his shoulder, very easy to cause others to swoon over his handsome appearance. But that was all to drown out his worries, these shallow relationships filled the void from the death of his comrades.

No matter how hard you tried to reach Atsumu’s heart, it just would not budge. Not when you first joined the team and even now years later. There were small cracks here and there. Genuine smiles that he would indulge you in when your squad was in their off-hours. But otherwise, he kept people at an arm’s length.

You knew that this was Atsumu’s second team in the Scout Regiment, originally an officer under the infamous Squad Leader Kita. There were lots of rumors around his earlier life, how he and his brother were one of the best duo’s in the entire regiment. Along with Kita, they were all childhood friends, entering the training corps together and later the scouts as a trio. There were lots of stories around that squad and how they courageously acted during expeditions.

Such as when Kita boldly laid down his life at the Fall of Shiganshina, detonating a large bomb for dozens of Garrison troops to get away.

He saved over two-hundred soldiers from the clutches of abnormal Titans, suddenly let in by both the armored and colossal Titan. The stores were second and third-hand by now, but it was all generally the same. Soldiers scrambling with their unknown enemy, paralyzed with the fear that their lives were about to end then and there.

Both civilians and soldiers alike had minimal chances of surviving that day.

Shinsuke Kita was a bold soldier through and through.

But all of that occurred before you even joined the scouts. You knew of the current effects, now. Atsumu had closed himself off while his brother left the military entirely, opening an Onigiri shop within Wall Sina. You could not blame him, your lifestyle must have been a constant reminder for what Osamu had lost. But for Atsumu to continue in the Scouts, you wondered how he had the mental fortitude to continue when his childhood best friend was taken from him.

And so it was no surprise that Atsumu hadn’t visited you your entire first week, keeping you at a distance since he had almost lost you as well. But after another week passed you wondered if you did something else to annoy the two-toned man. 

Him and Sakusa did not hold back their scalding words the first day you woke-up. And even during the mission, Atsumu had quick curses each time something unexpected happened. So why was he avoiding you now if he was there the first day? Was he trying to reinstate the distance in your friendship? You were disappointed, but by no means surprised.

However, one night three weeks into your hospital stay, as they lowered the doses of painkillers circulating in your system, you woke up to see a figure sitting silently beside you.

You called out to the familiar shadow, “Atsumu?”

It was quiet for a good minute, before he answered. “Ah, it’s me.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Just visiting’.”

“Do you usually visit when I’m asleep?”

“.... Ah.”

So Atsumu visited you when he _knew_ you would not be conscious.

You felt your annoyance flare.

“You’re such a coward.” You bit out.

He stood at your words, his own anger rolling off his tongue. “Ya want to say that again?”

“Yes, I do!” You tried to sit-up, but felt pain shoot through your lower half. Out of relex, his arms shot out toward you to steady you, but you swatted them away and continued, “You can’t face me when I’m awake so you’d rather watch a silent corpse.”

“ _Don’t call yourself that_.” Atsumu bit out, the stoic expression on his face enough to make you recoil in surprise. 

You snapped yourself back, “And why not?! There’s obviously something else you have to say if you’re being such a dick about this.”

“You are so _fucking unbelievable.”_ Atsumu muttered as he carded a hand through his blond hair, “I can’t believe I almost lost ya and you’re sitting here acting like life is just gonna move on.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No. It isn’t.” Atsumu stated clearly, “You’ll get out of this bed, one day, and you will _never_ be able to fight the same again. Your leg is fucked, ya know that right?”

“Tendou said I’ll be able to walk again _.”_

“And that should mean everything will go back to normal, right?” Atsumu stood straight, his height twice your own as you sat in the raised cot. “You tryin’ to tell me that the next time ya see a Titan, you won’t be worried it’ll steal ya like a personal doll again? Or better yet, that you won’t rely on your right leg now that your other side has been shot to _shit_?”

“I - it’ll take time.” You stuttered, not liking how his words struck a bitter chord. 

It took years of training in the cadet corps for anyone to get adept to balancing themselves on the 3DMG. It took even more actual live experience to get used to fighting. And here you were with a new handicap, years into the battle with all your own personal idiocincinrecies. It would be harder, but you had pushed off that factoid to the recess of your mind, more focused on your current recovery.

“No, ya weren’t thinking at all.” Atsumu stated.

But you didn’t need this asshole pointing out your new weakness.

“ _What’s your problem_?” You asked pointedly.

“My problem? My problem is that I have such a selfish teammate that she doesn’t even care about the rest of her team!”

You turned your head in genuine confusion, “What?”

“I can’t _fuckin’_ stand ya sometimes!” He said instead, “Even if you can fight again, if it was up to me I’d never let your ass leave your office. I don’t give a _fuck,_ I’ll ask Sakusa to switch ya to Tendou’s team if we have to.”

“ _What?!”_

He leaned over your bedside and gripped your chin harshly. “You almost died. Do ya understand that? I was the last person to see ya before you disappeared into the trees.”

Now closer to his face, it was more than just his anger and annoyance that was reflecting back to you. It made you physically recoil, surprised at seeing the usually distant Atsumu shout his _worries_ about you.

“You were willing to give everythin’ up for some stupid shit about a single Titan!” His pressure behind his hold increased, almost bruising the skin there.

“I.. I’m sorry.” You felt yourself apologize more than realized. This was more than just another argument, from the brutal shake of his shoulders and how Atsumu tucked his head into your shoulder. He was leaning into your body, not fully, but enough for you to feel the tenseness in his body.

_Atsumu was worried about you._

It made you want to reach out to him. To curl your hands around his middle and comfort him that you were still here - _still_ _alive._ And so you did - bringing a gentle touch up his back before it started to hurt from the strain. Instead you folded your arms behind his neck, holding him for as long as Atsumu needed to assure himself that you were okay. And while it seemed redundant initially, you had to remind yourself that Atsumu had lots of demons that were still alive, but worse off because of it.

“ _Fuck_ .” You felt him murmur against the skin of your neck. “ _Please,_ I am begging ya. _Do not pull that shit again._ ”

You trailed the hands “I’ll try not to.”

He leaned back to look at you directly in the eyes, “That’s not good enough.”

You felt a small smile crack your expression, “I promise I’ll try to stay safe.”

“Good enough for now.” Atsumu said as he frowned, before leaning forward. You felt the soft crease of his lips against your skin, lingering on your forehead before he trailed his nose down against yours.

“Atsumu?”

“Do ya understand now?” He asked, the two of you basically sharing the same breath at this point. Atsumu brought a hand up to your cheek, gently caressing as he went and tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You hung onto every bit of his actions, from the way his eyes pierced your own to the way he drew lazy circles on your skin.

“ _I can’t lose you too.”_ Atsumu continued, breathing out harshly into your shared space. “I went through this shit before and it almost killed me. But if I lost you? _Fuck,_ I can’t…”

You brought a hand up to cup his face, your heart leaping out at you to be there for him. He was more than just another Scout soldier, more than just your fellow squad-mate and now _even more_ than just your friend.

“I won’t let it happen again.” You reassured him, moving to place soft pecks to his cheeks as he silently cried out his worries. 

This was a side of Atsumu you never got to see before. His usually coarse words were more than just shallow-deep, expressing his genuine care over your person. And while you always crave a deep relationship with the older soldier, he always kept you at an arm's-length. At least now you knew why - _because Atsumu was afraid to lose those close to him again._

“I love you, ya know that right?” Atsumu murmured.

“I know that _now._ ” You teased, but he gently poked your forehead to bring you back to his serious statement.

“You’re so stupidly headstrong.” Atsumu started listing off as he placed pecks on the side of your head, “Joining our squad was like a breath of fresh air I didn’t know I needed. So smart and yet you value yourself so little.”

You just listened to his words, surprised that he was so keenly paying attention to you in the past when it seemed like Atsumu was so carefree.

“I’m not expecting ya to answer, by the way.” Atsumu continued, “I just need ya to know that before ya make any choices.”

You smiled at him, thankful for how uncharacteristically patient he was being with you. Instead, you scooted over in the hospital bed and patted down in the empty space.

“Keep me company tonight?”

He gave you a genuine smile, pulling off to take off his jacket and throw it over his shoulder to the chair. Atsumu laid on the side, trying to take up as minimal space as possible as he threw an arm across to rest your head on.

_“I’ll never leave you alone again.”_

You pulled his face toward you, trying to seal a kiss but struggling as you both kept grinning. His arms trailed up and around your body, pulling you close to feel every plain of skin against his own. You relished in the love Atsumu could give you, grateful for how much of his heart he was willing to give you after having been hurt so many times.

  
You would treat his heart warmly and give him so much love in kind. 


End file.
